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Thoughts on September By Ash

gsa-comms
Oct 8
3 min read

Another September is here and I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, there’s a sense of excitement on campus as folks head into a new semester with new goals and new opportunities. I also feel that excitement and optimism that this academic year will be positive. I’ve been at this school for over a year now, so I have more of an idea of what to expect in terms of scheduling and TAing and supervisor expectations and whatnot. I also feel more settled in Waterloo now that I’ve had time to adjust to living in a new city. I didn’t realize what a toll it took on me to move here. I went from being surrounded by friends and community to suddenly being in a place where I knew nobody. It’s an isolating feeling. Now that I’ve been here for a while, the city feels more familiar. I know the ion routes, I have favourite cafes and takeout places, and I’ve had time to decorate my apartment so it feels more like home. I also know more of what the grad student community and broader KW community has to offer, which has made a huge positive impact on me. If you aren’t already familiar, I’d highly recommend checking out some GSA events (I’m biased here as a GSA staff member, but I can genuinely say that I enjoy our events!) and programming at the Waterloo Public Library. Both are great ways to find community.


I feel more settled and more comfortable here now. Surely that’ll make things easier this year. But despite the optimism I feel about the new academic year, September scares me. With September comes autumn, and with autumn comes seasonal depression. Every year I try to prepare myself and every year it still hits me harder than I expected. Mitigating it usually involves some combination of increasing my medications, booking more frequent counselling appointments, and trying (but usually failing) to engage in more social activities. It’s a tough time of year, and my mitigation strategies can only get me so far. The weight is still there, compounded by what feels like mountains of thesis work, TAing, deadlines, and never-ending chores at home (how does my laundry hamper get full so fast and why does it feel like there are always dishes in the sink??). And of course, with seasonal depression comes the vicious cycle of falling behind because of not feeling well, then feeling worse because of being behind, and then falling more behind because of feeling even worse. Getting out of bed seems impossible and I’m left feeling like an amorphous blob of executive dysfunction. 


I know that a lot of us struggle with mental illness, including seasonal depression. I wish I had a solution. I know that it’ll be tough, as it always is. But what can we do other than keep living? There’ll be another spring, and the weight will ease a bit, at least enough to get out of bed without feeling like your whole body is made of lead. It feels infinitely far away, but it still offers a little glimmer of hope to latch onto. One day we’ll feel okay again, and that’s worth living for. There’s also comfort in knowing that, while we may feel isolated, we aren’t alone in our struggle. There’s a global community of mentally ill folks, and we hold each other. Together, we’ll get through this.


If you need support, here are some resources:

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